


Meant to Be

by Sasa_Q



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: M/M, More psychological I guess, angsty, sort of hurt/comfort?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:53:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25929934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasa_Q/pseuds/Sasa_Q
Summary: "I am Q," he said. "And I love Jean-Luc Picard, and that's okay."
Relationships: Jean-Luc Picard/Q
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34
Collections: Star Trek Bingo Summer 2020





	Meant to Be

Jean-Luc Picard had just gotten off shift at the bridge and was heading to his quarters when he got a feeling that something was wrong. It was a strange feeling, something like intuition, but stronger. He knew this feeling. It was the bond between him and Q. They had created the bond not long ago at Q's suggestion so they could communicate more easily, and for the most part, it had been beneficial. It felt as if they were constantly together, just about touching, centimetres away.

But this feeling, that something was wrong in the bond, was new. Picard had never felt a feeling like this from Q before, and it troubled him. So, concentrating, he tried to communicate with Q. But somehow, there was no response. It was as if no one was there on the other end, as if Q couldn't even hear him.

His feeling gained a face when the door to his quarters opened and a young woman, blonde, with a kind face was standing there.

"I'm sorry to startle you, Captain," she said. "But something is very wrong."

"Amanda," said Picard as the door closed behind him. It was Amanda Rogers, the young Q who had, for a short period of time, resided aboard the Enterprise before choosing to go to her home in the Q Continuum.

"It's Q, now," the young woman said. "But I don't mind if you call me Amanda. I understand that the name change might be difficult for you."

"What is all this about?" Picard asked. "First I felt something odd in my bond with Q, and-"

"Yes, your bond," said Amanda. She sat down in Picard's chair. The members of the Q Continuum must really like sitting on chairs that aren't theirs, Picard thought. "The whole Continuum knows about that. You wouldn't believe how irritated some of us were."

"Yes, I'm sure you were," said Picard. "But please, I'd appreciate it if you got to the point. You said something was wrong?"

"It's about Q," said Amanda. She smiled. "More specifically, the Q you're in a relationship with. He's in prison."

"Prison?" Picard repeated. "I didn't know the Continuum had a prison."

"We don't," Amanda said. "He put himself there."

"A prison that doesn't belong to the Continuum? What did he do to get himself in an alien prison? And couldn't he just use his powers to get out of prison?" Picard asked.

He had a thousand more questions, but Amanda interrupted him. "No, you don't understand, Captain," she said. "He made the prison himself. He believes he's rendered powerless, and he's put himself under the delusion that the Continuum were the ones to imprison him."

"But that doesn't make any sense," said Picard, his brow furrowing. "Why would he put himself in prison? And what do you mean, believes he's powerless?"

"I was hoping you'd shed some light on the reason he's there," said Amanda. "And he's made himself believe he has no powers. It's easier, that way. Otherwise he'd be able to leave."

"Can't the Continuum let him out?" asked Picard.

"The Continuum didn't put him there. Only Q can get himself out of that place," said Amanda. "It's how he designed it. And, frankly? After all his actions, I don't think anyone in the Continuum would want him to get out."

"Why are you telling me any of this?" asked Picard. "I'm just a mortal. If other Qs can't get him out of there, why could I?"

"Because you love him," said Amanda. "None of the other Qs really understand it. But I thought I was human for a while, so I know how you feel, at least enough to make me realize I should come to you about this. I came to you because no one else would. You need to convince him to let himself out of prison."

"Can you take me there?" Picard asked without even a shred of hesitation.

"I can do that," said Amanda. "And there's no need to worry about being missed on the Enterprise. This place exists out of linear time." She gave Picard a warm smile. "You were kind to me, once. I owe you this." She laughed. "Owing people something. It's a strange affliction, now that I think of it. I believe that your Q suffered from it, too."

"Just take me there," said Picard, trying to ignore how Amanda called Q "his" Q.

"I won't be there with you," she warned him. "But I'll have you in the back of my mind. When you need me, I'll be there."

"Thank you," said Picard. Amanda made an odd sort of gesture with her arms, and the next thing Picard knew, his quarters vanished around him and he reappeared in a strange space.

The space was the largest space imaginable, and also the smallest space imaginable. It was gray and black, but also every color to ever exist, including those that Picard's human eyes couldn't pick up. At first, it was all color and blackness all at once, and Picard's eyes began to hurt, but then he turned around to see that he was standing in front of a prison cell. Not one with a force field, but an old-fashioned one, one with actual bars on the cell walls and the front of the cell. Unlike those old-fashioned prison cells, however, there was no visible door, no visible way that one could enter or exit.

And inside the cell was Q. He was sitting on the floor, if one even existed, wearing his usual Starfleet captain's uniform. He was looking down at the floor, and he was humming something that seemed to shake Picard's bones. Picard must have made a sound, because suddenly Q looked up, and he leapt to his feet.

"Jean-Luc!" he said, delighted. "I'm so glad you're here. How did you get here?"

"Amanda Rogers sent me here," said Picard. "She was concerned with the fact that you're in prison."

"I'm surprised anyone in the Q Continuum wanted you to know I was in prison," said Q.

"Why?" asked Picard.

"Because they're the ones who put me here," said Q.

"Didn't you-?" he began, but then stopped. Amanda had told him that Q had 'put himself under the delusion' that the Continuum had put him in this prison. "Q," he said, "what happened?"

"I was traversing the universe, as usual," said Q. "Actually, I was just about to come check on you, when suddenly I found myself here, powerless."

"That doesn't mean the Continuum put you here," said Picard.

"Who else could have?" Q asked.

Picard chose not to answer that. "How are you feeling?"

"Oh, Jean-Luc, it's kind of you to ask," Q said. "I could be better, to tell you the truth. It's awfully stressful without my powers."

"You've tried using your powers?" Picard asked.

"Of course," said Q. "But nothing works. I appear to be trapped in this human form."

Picard noticed that the space between the bars was wide enough for him to fit his hand in between, and he did so. Q took his hand. Q's hand was warm, alive, human. "I'll find a way to get you out," he promised. His mind was going in a million different directions. "Q, do you know why you're in this prison?"

"I haven't been misbehaving myself lately," said Q, "with one exception. You. It's got to be because of our relationship that I'm in here."

That was an interesting development. Amanda Rogers hadn't told Picard that. "Because of our relationship? We've been together for a while. Why now?"

"Who knows?" Q asked. He squeezed Picard's hand and let go.

"How long have you been here?" asked Picard.

"I've no idea," said Q. "It could have been years, it could have been minutes. I don't think this place exists in linear time."

That aligned with what Amanda had told him. "I felt something in our bond," said Picard. "Not even half an hour ago. I wonder if that was the last moment, in linear time, where you appeared to possess your powers."

"Appeared to?" Q repeated. "What do you mean?"

"Q," he said. "Do you... regret our relationship?"

"What?" exclaimed Q. "Of course not! I've never been happier. I don't regret a thing. I only regret that we didn't become involved earlier."

Picard had to smile, but his eyes weren't quite smiling. There was something in Q's voice, something that was oddly empty, something quite terribly wrong. "So do I," he said. "So, you don't... you don't feel as if you deserve, in any way, to be imprisoned here for your love for me?"

"No," said Q.

"You don't feel that way at all?" Picard asked.

The two of them were silent for a moment, just standing there looking into each other's eyes, when Q's gaze faltered, and he broke off the glance, staring at the ground.

"Not at all?" Picard repeated gently.

"Well," said Q in a small voice. "There is... something. But it's just in the back of my mind. I wouldn't be a Q if I didn't feel like this in at least some way."

"Tell me about how you feel," Picard said.

"It feels like... shame," said Q quietly. His hands gripped the bars of his cell as he spoke, his fingers tightening around the material that appeared to be some kind of metal. "I feel ashamed. Yes, that's it."

"And why do you feel ashamed?" Picard asked. Q didn't answer. "Q?"

"I don't want to make you unhappy," Q said.

Picard brushed a finger against one of Q's hands. "I promise it won't make me unhappy," he said. "Come on, Q. You know you can tell me anything."

"I feel ashamed that I love you," said Q. "I feel ashamed that I have these feelings for you. In the back of my mind, every time I remember how much I love you, something tells me I shouldn't feel that way, that I should feel bad for feeling that way. I love you so much. But it brings me pain that I can almost feel physically, like the Q Continuum punishing me for loving you."

"So do you think, in any way," said Picard, "that you deserve to be in this prison?"

Q was silent for a while. Then he said, "I'm not a good Q. I'm a disappointment to the Continuum. It's only natural that they imprison me. I suppose I deserve to be here. Yes. Yes, I do."

If Picard had a non-artificial heart, it would be hurting. He hated to see Q like this. When Q got in moods like this, it was often hard to bring him out of them. This seemed to be the worst yet.

"Q," said Picard, "consider something for me."

"For you?" said Q. "Anything."

"The Continuum didn't put you in this prison," said Picard. "You did, Q. You put yourself here."

"Nonsense," said Q immediately. "Why would I do that?"

"You just told me you believe you deserve to be shut up here," said Picard. "That's cause enough."

"I've already been deprived of my powers and trapped in human form once," said Q. "It was the worst experience of my life. Why would I do it again, voluntarily?"

"Because you believe you deserve it," said Picard simply.

"Then how do I get out? I don't have my powers," said Q. "How do I ever get them back?"

"Amanda said you only believe that you've lost your powers," Picard said. "That it's no more than a belief. I'd imagine that if you try, really try, to access your powers, that you'll be able to."

Q concentrated, closing his eyes. He stood there for a moment, eyes closed, thinking to himself, then after a minute, opened his eyes. "It's not working," he said in frustration. "If you're telling the truth, the fact that I want to have my powers back should have activated them."

"Hm," said Picard. "Maybe it's not that simple. Perhaps to access your powers, to get out this prison, you have to believe something stronger than the belief that you deserve to be in here. Maybe you have to believe that you don't deserve this. That you deserve to have your powers."

"Well, that seems easy enough," said Q. "I believe I deserve to have my powers back." They both stood there for a moment. "Nothing's happened."

"You said it quite easily," said Picard. "Do you even believe it?"

Q sighed. "No," he admitted. "I still think I deserve to be in here."

"Damn it, Q, what do I have to do to convince you?" Picard said. "The fact that you love me doesn't make you a disgrace or a disappointment! It means you have a soul. It means that you're more than the rest of the Q Continuum could ever hope for. You're able to access your emotions and direct them at someone. Granted, sometimes your emotions overwhelm you, and it can be difficult to deal with them, but you're capable of love! That's an accomplishment in itself! And the fact that you're able to direct that love to a person, to a mortal, even, shows remarkable strength of character. Loving me doesn't make you weak. It makes you strong."

For a moment, Q didn't say anything. He turned away from Picard. "I wish I could believe that," he said. His voice sounded odd.

"Q," said Picard, "are you... crying?"

"So what?" said Q defensively.

"Q, look at me," said Picard gently. Q turned to face him. His eyes were filled with tears, and his lip trembled. He looked the very image of dejected. Picard knew Q hated moments of weakness like this. Technically, as a Q with powers, he had the ability to cry, but only when he felt like it, which was close to never. The first time he had ever cried was during his time stuck as a human aboard the Enterprise, and it had been such a traumatizing experience that he didn't dare repeat it for years. Although he eventually grew to appreciate the cathartic nature of a good cry, he still hated to do it, and now that he couldn't control it, Picard couldn't imagine how vulnerable he felt.

"I should never have told you I loved you," Q said. "It was the biggest mistake of my life, and I've made so many. A Q and a mortal... it just wasn't meant to be. There must be something wrong with me, there must be!"

"There's nothing wrong with you, Q," said Picard, reaching through the bars and taking Q's hand. Q's hand was trembling, and Picard held it tightly, close to his heart. "I'm sorry you feel like there is. I love you, Q. I love you so horribly much. And I know you love me. That's not something to be ashamed of. Love is one of the most beautiful things to exist, and the fact that you manage to feel it, and feel it for a mortal like me; that shows that you've evolved beyond the Q Continuum, that you're better than their need for isolation and lack of connection."

"It just feels sad," said Q. "It's so pointless. You're going to, you're going to..." He was overcome, and he bowed his head, pressing his forehead to the cell bars, gripping Picard's hand. Picard grasped him tightly. He wanted Q to know he was never going to let go of him, not now, not ever. "You're going to die someday," Q said. "What's even the point of me disgracing myself by loving you if it's not going to be permanent?"

"But it will be permanent," said Picard in a soft voice. "You'll remember me for infinity. In the little things, in the big ways. I'll live on in your mind. That's what's so special about love. It never truly dies, but is reborn in new forms as time goes on."

"Jean-Luc, I love you," said Q, "so, so much. Sometimes I wish you wouldn't bother with me."

"But I do," said Picard. "Because you matter to me. After everything we've been through, you've got to realize that by now. Now," he said, "we need to get you out of here."

"But what if I can't?" said Q. "What if it isn't enough? What if I'm stuck here forever, just because I believe I deserve it?"

"You've got to try," said Picard. "Try, at least, for me."

Q exhaled softly. "All right," he said. "I'll try." He squeezed Picard's hand, then let go. He wrung his hands for a moment, then held them out. "I am Q," he said. "And I love Jean-Luc Picard, and that's okay." He looked at Picard. "It's not working!" he said desperately.

"Keep going," Picard urged.

"I'm not a disgrace to the Continuum," said Q. "Love, real love, should never be something to be ashamed of."

The cells bars around Q flickered for a moment, but then reappeared. "It's working, Q!" said Picard. "Keep going! Fight against your thoughts!"

"I don't deserve this," said Q, his voice growing strong. "I don't deserve to be imprisoned." He shut his eyes and took in a deep breath. "I am Q," he said. "And I deserve to be happy."

There was a burst of light that enveloped the prison cell, and the bars gradually disappeared as if being eaten away. Eventually, the cell around Q disappeared, leaving Q and Picard standing in this place that was both made of color and blackness. Q stepped forward and suddenly the two of them were in a tight embrace. Picard could feel Q's heaving breaths as he held him tightly. A rush of emotions flooded Picard as their bond was reactivated. Picard felt so stripped, so vulnerable, there with Q, and he could feel how vulnerable Q was. It was as if their souls were touching.

Eventually, they separated. Q didn't look so depressed, so lonely, anymore, and even before Q said anything, Picard knew he had his powers back.

"I can take you back to the Enterprise," said Q.

"You can do better than that," said Picard. "You can stay with me on the Enterprise. Before I came to see you in prison, I had just gotten off shift. We've got enough time to be together for a while."

"An excellent idea," said Q. In a flash of bright light, they appeared in Picard's quarters.

"Computer, how long was I off the Enterprise?" Picard asked. He knew Amanda had told him that the prison existed out of linear time, but he wanted to be sure.

"You never left the Enterprise," said the computer's voice.

Picard smiled. "Perfect," he said.

He sat down on his bed, and he didn't even have to ask Q, and Q sat beside him. "Time is strange," said Q. "I feel like I was in that place for centuries."

"At least you're back here with me," said Picard.

"What were you about to do when you were oh so rudely interrupted by Amanda Rogers?" said Q innocently.

"I was thinking about you," Picard said. "And I wanted to get some sleep."

"Sounds good to me," said Q. "Computer, dim lights." The lights gradually dimmed. "Get some sleep. You've earned it."

The two settled in next to each other. Q had made Picard's bed big enough for the both of them, but small enough that they had to be close to each other, just the way they both liked it. It took a bit of maneuvering, but they ended up with Picard lying behind Q with his arms around him, Q cuddled into him. Q hated admitting it aloud, but Picard knew he liked being held by Picard. Q said it made him feel safe.

"Q," said Picard after a while, "did you mean it?"

"Hmm?" said Q sleepily.

"What you said before you got out of the prison cell," said Picard. "That you don't think you're a disappointment. That you deserve to be happy."

"I meant it," said Q. "For you, I meant it."

"Love you." Picard kissed him on the neck gently.

"I love you too," said Q. He nestled himself into Picard, and the two of them fell asleep that way.

The next morning, Picard awoke sleepily to the sound of muffled voices. He rubbed his eyes and sat up and found that Lieutenant Worf, along with a full security team, were in his room. Q was still asleep.

"Captain," said Worf. "I did not mean to intrude, but you were late to your shift, and not responding to your com badge, and..." He looked down at Picard and Q. "Do you need me to put him in the brig?"

Picard felt himself smile. "No," he said. "No, Q is just fine. I apologize for oversleeping. I was... preoccupied." He got up and realized that he had fallen asleep in his uniform, which was perhaps a good thing. "I'll be on the bridge in five minutes, Mr. Worf. Thank you for your caution."

Worf nodded. "I will see you on the bridge," he said rather uncomfortably, and he and the security team left Picard's quarters.

Picard couldn't help but chuckle. Q was still asleep on his bed, softly breathing. "I'll see you after my shift," said Picard to him. He tucked Q into bed. "Don't go putting yourself in prison while I'm gone."

Picard changed into a fresh uniform quickly and left his quarters. On his way to the bridge, he passed by a woman in a security uniform. She had blonde hair and a familiar face.

"Well?" said Amanda Rogers. "Did you get him out?"

Picard smiled. "I did," he said. "And... thank you."

"Don't mention it," she said. Picard looked away, and and when he looked for her again, she was gone, nothing to show that she had been there.

When Picard walked onto the bridge, the bridge crew couldn't help notice that he looked unusually happy this morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Norsy for beta-ing this! I really appreciated it. :)  
> What did you think of the story?


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